Funny quotes

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. Good Man Liar Memory Enough.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.

When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. Quotes tagged as funny Showing 1-of 041. These 1funny quotes from comedians, movies, authors, and TV look at the hilarious side of life. Enjoy these funny quotes , a laugh and share with a friend. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100. Do you know some funny quotes? What are some funny quotes from books?

These funny quotes and sayings may have been coined by someone else, but their funny motivational quotes and witty. People Quotes Stupid Quotes Time Quotes. When a fan asked Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart for tips on writing symphonies, the composer is said to have suggeste “Begin with some simple lieder and work your way up to. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. Repeat or copy these quotes out to your friends to make them laugh!

Doing nothing is har you never know when you’re done. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. The world owes you nothing. Life, Graduation, Wise. Doctor Who humor Quotes.

From the movie ED tv “ Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for an hour. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. Read on for the funny quotes you need to get you through quarantine! If you’re feeling extra desperate for a laugh (and who isn’t?!) here are jokes so bad that you can’t help but giggle.

Dumbest Donald Trump Quotes 1Comments We’ve previously featured Stupid Jean-Claude Van Damme Quotes and Borderline Insane Kanye West Quotes , but they’ve got nothing compared to the great chairman himself: the brilliant Donald Trump. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny car quotes , funny car sayings, and funny car proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car. Put a little torture in your day - Take The Test! Here are some more favorite funny sayings.

Please note, quotes have been vette but some attributions may be wrong or hard to determine who said them. If I see it, I’m doomed. I can see the difference would be astounding. Yummy bean salad with coffee…or coffee itself.

Make it like a party. Dessert, like FRIENDS’ theme song, is always there for you. It’s just too easy. Lies and Self-Deprecation. Aging, Happiness, and Health. Love and Attraction.

And suppose you were a member of Congress. To me, old age is always years older than I am. Bob Hope Birthday After 3 a body has a mind of its own.

Bette Midler Random Live your life and forget your. Sometimes the best part. The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor. Alcoholism is not a funny issue, but there are many funny quotes on alcohol that I have come across!

These quotes highlight the lighter side of consuming alcohol. However, some of them actually have a serious note as well beneath the humor. Take a look at these funny quotes and laugh out loud with your friends and family!

It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all.